That artifact which upon your screen is happily beheld is what is referred to in industry parlance as a Genuine George Clark Publication. It is a document consisting of vicious satire and nothing more. Its contents are not based upon fact but rather are based upon the mercurial moods and feelings of George Clark. George Clark Publications are not designed to edify or enlighten but are in fact designed solely to amuse and offend.

A George Clark Publication is not to be taken lightly. For example, consider the Culinary Horndog ad on page 11. This is, of course, a hilarious send-up of The Erotic Bakery. Imagine: chocolate butt-plugs. There is no such thing. And so The Erotic Bakery has been neatly parodized. They have contacted us and requested that we undo the damage, but no, this sort of thing cannot be undone.

Did you know that Mr. Clark is now offering a voice-mail service for you to use and enjoy? Call 206-286-1145 and leave him a brief message of your own design. No human will answer the phone; no actual human will ever listen to your message; the voice on the other end will sound vaguely sub-human. It could well prove to be the most disturbing experience of your life.

Advertisements placed in The Wanker must be sarcastic, mean-spirited and completely spurious and must be entirely written, conceived and executed by George Clark.

Incidentally, one ad in The Wanker stands out prominently by way of its strictly non-spurious nature: the Grunge Jingles ad on page 3. We urge you to examine this ad and its generous, completely authentic offer. Yes, think of it: a perfectly good cassette loaded up with coarse, satirical grunge music. Try one! And each tape comes with the unusual George Clark Guarantee: if you are in any way dissatisfied with your cassette, feel free to return it to us without fear of repercussion.

The Wanker is printed using soy-based ink for the benefit of the lactose-intolerant.